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Cute!
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Jun. 6th, 2005 @ 02:24 am
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Seeing this test on Abby's LJ took me right back to my Psych and AP Psych classes in high school, and good ol' Ms. Jahnke. I love psychology; that's one of the only pitfalls of being a music major is that you don't really get any time to study your other areas of interest (unless you're superhuman or a major nerd, neither of which applies to me. hahaha). Read my #1 match and tell me if this does NOT describe me! I took this test in my Psych class back in the day and it's right on!
Your #1 Match: ENTP
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The Visionary
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.
You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.
Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.
You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.
You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor. |
Your #2 Match: ENFP
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The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist. |
Your #3 Match: INTP
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The Thinker
You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.
Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.
Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.
A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.
You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor. |
Your #4 Match: ESTP
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The Doer
You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second.
You love being the center of attention. Chances are you were the class clown.
Competitive, charming, and charasmatic - you have your own code of honor.
You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activies that interest you.
You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur. |
Your #5 Match: INFP
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The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. |
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*yawn*
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May. 4th, 2005 @ 12:06 am
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Wow. This week is so inssanely packed... I'm slinking off to bed, way too tired to update. I love you all though and I'll be talking soon! :-) Hit up the cell if you really want to say hi (i think you all have the # but, if not, it's 920 265 6023) loves! |
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lol... looking back on this weekend and thinking, "What did I really accomplish?!?" Sheesh, I'm gonna hafta buckle down hardcore this week. Oh well.
This entry is gonna be really short because I'm dead tired... and I need to wake up really early tomorrow morning! I think I'm gonna have to employ good ol' Vivarin -- nothin like a tablet of caffeine to jump-start your day! Woot woot!
So Friday was this Soiree Musicale thing -- basically, a really dressy event where a bunch of rich people pay a ton of money to come and hear some music, munch on some light snacks and get bubbly drunk off of wine and champagne -- and all of us who received scholarships from the money raised at the Soiree had to work at it. It was actually pretty fun -- I basically went around with bottles of champagne and then Merlot and Chardonnay refilling people's glasses. Was largely responsible for getting our choir director drunk, and that was a blast! I loved it! I must confess, I got pretty drizzunk too -- let's just say there was plenty of wine and champagne left over for me :-D Nobody there cared because they were all feeling pretty good too! It was great. Until I realized (at a party after the event, mind you), that I had slammed the wine waaay too quickly (in an effort to avoid being seen by the catering staff; need I remind you that wine is meant to be SIPPED, not slammed? ;-) -- then things got a little more vomitrocious. Oh well, everyone needs a night like that every once in awhile! I ended up being brought up to my dorm and sleeping till late Saturday. Then we went to the Gap where there was this HUGE sale, so I got some new clothes for insanely low prices! Not much of a Gap fan usually anymore, but when the sale is this good -- how can I say no? Then was Lindsey Brueggen's birthday party. That was pretty sweet too -- a bunch of homos and Lindsey partying it up. That night was a loooong one too -- helped to take care of some friends who were drunk enough (or naive enough) to see a shot of Everclear and think "Oh, I can drink that!" (I love those girls -- I'm glad I was able to be there; it was someone else's turn that night to have the kind of night I had the previous one -- felt like I was repaying my debt; it was good lol) Don't know if that previous sentence even made sense; God am I tired! Then got back at like 5:30am, slept, woke up, sang at church, came back here and did jack crap till now! Wow am I ever productive. Oh well. Can't WAIT for this year to be done. Soooo hard not to check out right now, you know? We'll see where I am in a week... I need to get caught up in my stupid astronomy class! Eeeek! Anyway, now that this is one huge paragraph, I'm gonna hit the hay. 6:30a is gonna come reeeeeal fast. Loves to all (except everyone who's getting out of school earlier than me -- poop on you i'm jealous!! :-p jk)! heheCurrent Mood:  sleepy Current Music: my malfunctioning humidifier |
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Well, it's still April 27 for another 49 minutes, so I can still say... HAPPY 46th BIRTHDAY DAD! I am so blessed to have such an amazing father.
Today... hmmm... what really happened? Not much. Same old same old, basically. God I hate practicing piano. I won't be prepared for tomorrow's class... should I go or not? Hmmm, such decisions :-) hehehe I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall as far as motivation goes (in most areas, except for voice). It's sooooo tough to remind myself that it's not the end of the year! Aaaaaah! :-) lol
Tomorrow, though, I think I'm going to do something a little bit more ballsy. I'm on the mailing list for the GSA here in Point, and they sent this one email encouraging GSA members to go to the SGA (Student Government Association) meeting on Thursday to voice support for something called the "Day of Reason." What this apparently is is a protest of/mocking of/response to the National Day of Prayer, which this year falls on May 5. They want to put this stupid day on the same day as the Day of Prayer. The email says the proposed Day of Reason will "influence the creation of many programs that facilitate the education of the campus community on the importance of science and the scientific method," etc. (This is just a resolution being proposed to recognize the National Day of Reason at UWSP and is part of a larger effort to get a National Day of Reason proclaimed by the government.)
Now normally, although I'm opinionated, I don't get too angry unless someone really pushes it, but this REALLY pisses me off. What is the big deal?!? We have a National Day of Prayer -- so what?!? It's a GOOD thing! If you don't believe in God or don't want to celebrate it, then fine, don't celebrate it! But let everyone who does believe and who does want to participate have their day. If it upsets or offends you, boo frickin hoo. Quit your bitching and DEAL WITH IT. Don't give me that bullshit line about equality either. We're in the middle of Pride Week here at UWSP... and I guarantee you that offends people as well. (I'm not saying that their offense is or is not justified, mind you -- merely noting that plenty of people exist who are very uncomfortable with and/or offended by overt displays of homosexual orientation/behavior etc.) But you don't hear anyone complaining about Pride Week in the Student Government Association, do you? No one is calling for the end of annual Pride Week festivities! Of course not, because then naturally they'd be labeled a bigot and a homophobe -- as VERY politically incorrect, intolerant, and closed-minded. But when it comes to God and Christians, shit, say whatever the hell you want! Get them and their God out of every facet of public life! The Catholic Church is already everyone's punching bag, why not extend it to everyone who believes in God and wants to accord him -- the very same God on whose principles our Nation was founded -- his rightful place in the national conscience?!?
Why can't they see that Pride Week and the National Day of Prayer, just like all other expressions of opinion/conviction on campus, are BOTH forms of protected expression?!? It's the same for both of them -- if you don't like it, disagree with or are offended by it, then fine -- DON'T PARTICIPATE! But don't try and go after those who wish to partake in the events. For example, I think Michael Moore is one of the most monstrous, idiotic, slobbering, vacuum-brained, mouth-breathing, ill-informed assholes ever to walk the Earth, but I would vehemently defend his right to visit our campus and spew his heinously skewed propaganda to whomever is naive enough to listen and take him seriously (which he happened to do, right here at good ol' UWSP, as he made the rounds of college campuses before the presidential election). It's awfully hypocritical to try and silence someone, or some group, just because they make you uncomfortable. Oh, and if the GSA's support for this attempt at universitiy sanctioning of science and atheism in place of religion has anything to do with the fact that a substantial chunk of the gay population harbors an intense and bitter hatred for all things Christian, all I have to say is GO PISS OFF. A person is completely free to abandon their faith because of their perception that it doesn't sanction homosexuality (be it the state or the action), but don't even try to throw your bitterness up in my face. As a homosexual and a Christian, I am able to see both sides of this issue, and after careful consideration, I think the GSA needs to stop whining and pick their battles more intelligently. (Sheesh, these are just the kinds of things that piss me off about militant homosexuals and the militant homosexual movement!! AAAAHHHHH!!!) And the SGA needs to back the hell up off of the National Day of Prayer. ("hell" was used intentionally, by the way :-)) End of sermon.
So basically, I'm going to go to the Student Government Association meeting at 6:20pm in the University Center and tell them just that!
Uh-oh, these people are praying! Such disorder on campus! We can't have that! Better call shut it down... good Lord, what is with some people?!? I'll let you know how it goes in tomorrow's post... Current Mood:  pissed off Current Music: the tv in the background |
| » Yeah, that's right, more of these |
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Interesting!
| You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.
“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”
“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”
--Jean-Paul Sartre
“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”
--Blaise Pascal
More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...
Existentialism | | 90% | Hedonism | | 85% | Divine Command | | 80% | Utilitarianism | | 70% | Justice (Fairness) | | 60% | Strong Egoism | | 50% | Kantianism | | 30% | Apathy | | 10% | Nihilism | | 0% | </td>
What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com |
This is kinda creepy, for those of you that know anything about my past lol
| You scored as Eating Disorders. Congratulations! You have an eating disorder! You know what it's like to have "fat" eyelids and that there's exactly 58 calories in one medium-sized green apple. Western society has discarded your well-being for sickly, paper-thin models and celebrities; welcome to the club, sister.
Eating Disorders | | 83% | Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder | | 75% | Borderline Personality Disorder | | 50% | Schizophrenia | | 42% | Antisocial Personality Disorder | | 17% | Unipolar Depression | | 17% | </td>
Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com |
lol... ahhh, high school...
What I want to know is -- how the hell did i score 4% in the 'satanism' category?!? creeepy...
 | You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian.
Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins.
Christianity | | 79% | Buddhism | | 42% | Judaism | | 42% | Islam | | 33% | Hinduism | | 29% | Paganism | | 25% | agnosticism | | 13% | Satanism | | 4% | atheism | | 0% | </td>
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com |
47% chance that i'll be eaten... *shudders*
 | You scored as Gunshot. Your death will be by gunshot, probably because you are some important person or whatever.
Gunshot | | 100% | Cut Throat | | 80% | Posion | | 67% | Disappear | | 53% | Disease | | 47% | Accident | | 47% | Eaten | | 40% | Drowning | | 27% | Suicide | | 27% | Stabbed | | 27% | Bomb | | 20% | Suffocated | | 20% | Natural Causes | | 0% | </td>
How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com |
...anarchist?!? wtf? NOT true... well at least i'm not a nazi :-)
What Christian denomination should I belong to? Guess i'm in the right place:
My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Christian Denomination Selector, is Roman Catholic Church
Rankings:
#1: Roman Catholic Church
#2: Eastern Orthodox Church
#3: Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod
#4: Episcopal/Anglican Church
#5: Evangelical Lutheran Church
#6: Mormonism
#7: Methodist/Wesleyan Church
#8: Church of Christ
#9: International Church of Christ
#10: Assemblies of God
#11: Free Will Baptist
#12: United Pentecostal Church
#13: Seventh-Day Adventist
#14: Mennonite Brethren
#15: Presbyterian Church in America/Orthodox Presbyterian Church
#16: Reformed Churches
#17: Southern Baptist
#18: Orthodox Quakerism
#19: Presbyterian Church USA
#20: Reformed Baptist
#21: Jehovah's Witness
#22: Unitarian Universalism
#23: Unity Church
#24: Liberal Quakerism
Not many more i promise; just putting off homework for another 8 minutes :-p
You are Pope Bl. John XXIII. Everybody loves you.
Which Twentieth Century Pope Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 11:09 pm
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| » sleeeeeepy musings |
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Wow.
Happy 46th birthday Dad! That's insane... almost 50... wonder where I'll be when I'm 46? I have some ideas (hopes), but I'm sure you can guess what those are and what i hope to be doing
Wow. Today I got a LOT of stuff off of my to-do list, but nothing in terms of homework tonight. Oh well; I'm going to wake up tomorrow after 6-ish hours of sleep and watch a video tape of my voice lesson (how weird that I've performed for 15 years and i still don't like watching/listening to myself ... but i know plenty of other performers like that so at least i'm not THAT abnormal lol) and summarize it (oh joy! but at least i'll know what to focus on in practice for the week) before going to choir and astro and practice with steve (woot woot!) and then listening to megan at colloquium!
Went tanning for the first time in awhile today... hopefully it'll be the cure for the relapse of the self-image issues i've been feeling lately. GOD i'm sorry, everyone! lol i'm not like this, really... i'm always a happy person -- that was just an unusually candid moment for me is all. :-) :-) truuuuust me... sorry for the vent. It was just a slip.
Got an email back from a guy in GB about a possible summer job... could it be the light at the end of the tunnel?!? Right now I'd take just about anything (only not lol... as soon as i typed that i was like 'ummmm no' haha) -- well, anything that's not degrading and that will give me good hours and pay me some kind of money... so i'm pretty excited. hopefully that'll work!
anyway, off to bed. this entry was really kinda random and spastic, huh? oh well... sometimes those kinds of entries are, ummmm, interesting... hehe.. love to all and take care! i love checking my friends page and seeing how all of you are doing; i promise i'll be better with commenting as well as i get back into the groove of lj-ing! ;-)
Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 02:34 am
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| » When John gets bored... |
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apologies... I did these tonight while procrastinating on homework; a real update will follow...
You Are From the Moon |
You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon.
You're in touch with your emotions and intuition.
You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory.
Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone).
A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.
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Apr. 27th, 2005 @ 12:36 am
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| » mondays... vom |
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Today was another blah Monday. Had all the same Monday classes. Voice lesson went fairly well... Steve Radtke rocks hardcore! Skipped astro (whoops), then had our opera wrap-up session where we brought the props back to storage and then went out to Pizza Hut. (Hadn't been out to a Pizza Hut in years) Kinda was surreal -- you know, the empty feeling you get at the end of a show? Yeah, it's like that. Plus the rainy, cold weather just made for a long and tiring day -- a lazy day where when it's over (like it is now), you look back on it and wonder if you accomplished anything of consequence at all. Oh well, can't be productive every day right? :-)
So, Benedict XVI... (how's THAT for a transition for ya?!? ;-)) I don't know what I think of him yet. He's definitely not who I would have voted for, given his conservatism etc. (Against condoms, published Dominus Iesus, various other stances which I'm sure you can fill in the blanks on, etc etc.) But the office changes the man, and I wonder how much of his reputation was based on his just fulfilling the duties of his previous job. He may surprise us. I figure God knows better than I do, so his plan will be fulfilled. But I do miss John Paul II tho; there's no one like him. I'm SO thankful that I got to see him in person during World Youth Day 2002 -- what a blessing!
Okay, was gonna type a little more, but I'm dead frickin tired here so it can all wait. Good luck to everyone as they finish off the semester/school year -- hang in there even though these times can be stressful! lol... just keep smiling; it works for me :-) love to all
Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 11:51 pm
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| » Random surveys... wow I'm not tired yet cuz I've slept all day |
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Your Linguistic Profile:
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75% General American English |
20% Yankee |
5% Upper Midwestern |
0% Dixie |
0% Midwestern |
American Cities That Best Fit You:
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70% Los Angeles |
70% New York City |
65% San Francisco |
55% Boston |
55% Washington, DC |
Your Inner European is Italian! |
Passionate and colorful.
You show the world what culture really is. |
Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male |
Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve |
Your Penis Name is: Elvis
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Take the quiz: "Which Mean Girls character are you?"
You are Regina George!
You are the most evil, nasty person ever! Go you!
And time for sleep.
Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 02:14 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Did any of that make sense? lol
Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 01:23 am
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| » Okay, so I'll update |
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Hey all!
Cripes it's been too long!! Maybe it's because life has gotten terribly busy, as life tends to do, or maybe I've gotten lazy about posting on this thing... crap who am I kidding, it's a combination of both. I tend to think that my problem with these might be the way I approach them -- if it's supposed to be a place where I type everything that happens to me then I'll always lapse back into this perpetual state of laziness in posting... but if I include random feelings, etc. then it won't be so difficult.
The opera was this past week, and it went really well! I love how a show always comes together and how the cast rallies together to get it done and make it awesome! My role was a really nice challenge for me, and I really feel like I learned a lot about myself and how to approach stuff in the performance field. We can definitely exceed our expectations if we just give ourselves the chance to succeed and don't let the mental roadblocks we put up for ourselves get in the way. More about performance stuff etc in another entry...
Opera party Sat nite... ummm yeah let's not go there -- it was awesome but that's all I'll say :-) Didn't do much Sunday, but definitely the highlight of my day was talking to Angie on the phone. Sheesh I miss that girl! There's something about her -- hard to explain -- you know how there are some people in your life that you just KNOW God put there verrrry deliberately? She's definitely one of those. That's why I'm soooo hoping we can see each other this weekend!
Very excited about the school year ending -- well, if only because of the three-month respite from classwork. I'll miss seeing my friends from school every day and the voice stuff, but not going to class yadda yadda. Not so excited about not yet having a summer job, but we'll work on that.
Something else that's come up lately -- I keep thinking about all the people at SJU -- I really wish I'd been able to see them this school year. Drives me nuts. Lots of good people over there who I miss a helluva lot.
Please keep my grandma and grandpa in your prayers -- at their age, health is declining and that's tough for everyone... thanks all, I love you lots!
One other thing that's been on my mind so so so so much lately is my brother Mark. It was so awesome seeing my family at the opera on Friday; I hadn't seen any of them since I saw their musical at East (which was awesome!), and now it was my turn to sing for them. The brothers all actually LIKED the opera (yes, I know!) so that made me happy. But Mark has been on my mind a lot lately because I'm really worried about him. He's been talking a lot like he's "not sure if he's cut out for college," etc. etc, and this makes me verrrry worried. But what worries me even more is that his grades are such that he might not even graduate with his class in June, and from everything I've been hearing it sounds like he's given up.
I know that when I was home, although we all love each other and had tons of good memories etc etc, I was quite often a jerk-off, bossy older brother and looking back on it, I regret that more than almost anything else in my life. (That in itself says a lot because it's coming from the person who doesn't believe in living with regrets.) I missed out on a lot of opportunities to get closer to my younger brothers that will never come around again, and I was good at distancing myself from my family in many aspects of life... but all I can do is try and live a little bit better now with every day... anyway I'm getting sidetracked. The reason I bring this up is because I know that if I express my worries about how Mark's doing with school and other things in his life (or any of my younger brothers, for that matter), it would be very easy for them to brush it off as bossy John sticking his nose all up in their business. Of course, I can't blame them -- I mean, although it takes two to mess things up I did my fair share to reinforce that perception on my own, so it's just as much my fault as anything else. I just wish he could know how much I worry about him and how sincerely I want him to succeed. I know how it feels when you're up to your eyeballs in shit and you don't think you'll ever get through it, but I also know that if you don't just suck it up and start DOING it you'll only get further behind and feel more and more hopeless, and that's a downward spiral that sucks more than almost anything else. And I know that things can seem hopeless but, thank God, I've been there and I have the perspective that enables me to look back and say 'it's just high school, it's not THAT difficult'... shit it's frustrating when you know someone can do it and they don't seem to have either the desire or the self-confidence to just bite down and git er done. I know all about how it feels to be in school and want, more than anything else, to be out in the world doing what you love. It is sooooo tough for me every day -- if I had my way I'd be out performing and singing and following my dream/building a career instead of sitting in a classroom listening to lectures and taking exams... but I know that I need to be doing the school thing, at least for now, until I'm in a place where I'll be able to pursue stuff most intelligently. Whether or not that means finishing college, or finishing it here, or whatever remains to be seen, but I know that being in school is important for now. Why can't he see that? That school is important? I don't want him to become a nobody, working for mediocre pay in some dead-end job just because he decided not to give himself a chance in college. And he has so much talent that would be wasted if he doesn't put it to use. He has this band with some friends, and I know it may seem like life and death right now, but it's not worth not going to college for. (Besides, going to UWGB it's not like they wouldn't be able to practice, you know?)
Shit now I'm venting... but I need this... it's on my mind 24/7. When I saw him at the opera on Friday night, all I could do is hug him and tell him to keep working, and that I believe in him. (Which is totally true... but I hate sitting there watching him hurt himself and short-change himself and be helpless to hit him over the head with some sense because I spent all of my "brotherly concern" cards on stupid inconsequential shit, only to have none left for times like this when it really matters...) Okay end of venting. If anyone is still reading this by now, God I love you! Just keep him in prayer, all right? And my parents too... it is very hard for them to go through stuff like this as well, and I'm sure I don't know the half of it.
Don't mean to be a downer -- I love life and every day is full of tons of blessings -- but sometimes stuff stresses a person out. Oh well. I keep smiling and trying to be thankful for everything that I've been blessed with, and then things tend to fall into perspective. Lots of love to all of you and I hope to talk to you soon!
Apr. 25th, 2005 @ 01:19 am
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| » You know John's bored when... |
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... he starts filling out crap like this! Haha, I wish I had time to be bored. Nevertheless, this is just stalling until I figure out what the hell to say for a reeeeal update. Love to all!
Nov. 18th, 2004 @ 05:09 pm
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| » random |
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Wow guys.
So much has happened that I don't even know where to start. Life's been way busy so I'll mentally sort out the incidental BS from stuff that's actually worth putting on here... but in the meantime, because you're wondering why in the hell I haven't updated in so long, here's one of my favorite songs... makes me think of him and miss him so much. It's a great song, so if you haven't heard it already, get 'er done! :-D hehe
White Houses -- Vanessa Carlton
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses
Oct. 27th, 2004 @ 06:11 pm
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| » A good song! |
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And So It Goes -- Billy Joel
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I’ve held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It’s just as well for all I’ve seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That’s if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you’re the only one who knows
Oct. 12th, 2004 @ 12:17 am
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| » volume two... here's what I've been meaning to tell you :-D |
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Hey again!
Just thought I'd break this up a little bit to keep it easy on the reader. But anyway, here's two things that have happened to me in the past week that have the potential to make a big impact on my life.
I think it was this past Tuesday when all of a sudden I had an epiphany. I was talking with Zach at lunch when it happened. Zach's a theater major and he was telling me about how much he loves performing, so naturally my ears perked up because of the vocal performance track that I'm on. He told me that he loves performing more than anything else in his life, and launched into a litany of things in his life that take a back seat to performance for him. This list included all the relationships in his life, family, friends, boys... basically the implication was that nothing in Zach's life was as or more important than performing for him.
This got me to really think about myself. I look at my voice teacher from last year at St. John's. He's an AMAZING teacher and a musician, and a wonderful guy, but his marriage fell apart. That's not for me. Then I thought: How many celebrities and famous musicians can afford to be about anything more than themselves and their careers? Look at their lives. How many of them have marriages that work and are happy? You can't tell me that they have much, if any, time to spend at home, and they can't be playing a major role in the lives of their children. And that's when I realized that although I love vocal performance VERY passionately, I could NEVER, as my friend Megan says, be "married to my music." There's more to my life than music, and I couldn't ever live for myself and my music at the expense of my love and my family. So I need to re-evaluate what I'm doing in school. Even if I decide to keep the vocal performance major, I will definitely need to add a minor (probably in psychology), so that I will have opportunities in a more stable field that will enable me to find work easily and make money for my family. (I have other subject areas I'm good at and that I love, too!) Music will always be in my life, and a big part of it, but the direction I go with it remains to be seen.
Okay, and now to the second big thing. I won't set up the situation for you too much, since I don't want to burden your already weary eyes much longer. Basically, Nick and I came to the conclusion that we're strong enough to handle the distance between us for now. We've proven that to ourselves and each other plenty of times. But in the long run, it will be in our best interest, and most beneficial to our relationship, to be in the same place. So what does that mean? In short, it means that I will transfer to the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay this next fall. I am fully aware, of course, what this all entails as far as paperwork, credits transferring over, meeting new people, etc. etc. I've done it once before, right? So this time should be a piece of cake. And besides, it's not even a burden to me -- it's something that he and I both want and I will gladly do. We truly love each other, and these are the things you do for love. Heck, the transfer will also work out better on the job front, because I can have a regular job AND do singing gigs on the side at the Abbey and at weddings. Nick, Ange and I are planning on getting an apartment together over the summer and keeping it through the school year, so that'll be another major change as well.
I felt so much better having talked to Nick about this. A huge burden was lifted, and I'm really happy that he feels the same way I do about what course we should take with things. Another reinforcement of the conclusion Nick and I made came on Saturday. John R. and I were driving to Point from Green Bay, and when we arrived in SP, he made the comment that he felt glad because it felt like he was coming home. And when I really looked at it, I don't feel like I'm at home in Stevens Point. I've made some awesome friends here and everything, but I don't know, it just doesn't feel like a home to me. That feeling of something/someone missing (and I bet you can fill in one or two names here if you've been reading the last few entries) serves as further confirmation to me that the decision made was the right one.
Now that it's all out here, I'm curious to hear what everyone has to say. Fire away! Love to all...
Sep. 26th, 2004 @ 10:31 pm
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| » Crazy things just keep happening! |
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Hey all!
Wow. It's been awhile. Lots of things have happened since the last time I updated this little thang, so I'll give you the rundown of the most important of them.
Thursday (the 23rd) was Nick's and my two-month anniversary. It was a great day! I drove to Green Bay (thanks to Zach, who so generously let me borrow his car!) while Nick was at his late class and hung out with Angie for awhile. It was really great to see her (hell, it's ALWAYS great to see her!) and she also helped me find a location for my surprise that I was about to give Nick. When his class got done, Ange gave Nick and I a BEAUTIFUL card and sent us on our way. We had reservations at Angelina, an Italian restaurant, but first came a little pit stop in a park overlooking the bay. That's where I gave Nick the surprise I was waiting to give him: I sang for him for the first time. The song I sang was "I Will Be Here" by Steven Curtis Chapman -- beautiful words in that one! -- and it's funny because I practiced all week on it, trying to visualize him being there in an attempt to not cry while I was singing, but of course when he actually was there, that lasted about two measures. :-) I sung through it, though, and it went fine. I was so happy to be able to share that part of me with him. It was just a magical moment, standing together, his head on my shoulder... the feelings and emotions that were flowing through us were indescribable. It was one of those moments you wish would never end.
So after that wonderful time, we went to the restaurant. It was great -- the food there was wonderful of course. Nick had a spicey dish that he ate with a completely straight face, while I tried just a little bit and promptly chugged my entire glass of water! ;-) I always marvel at a.) how people can eat things that make my tongue burn like the fifth circle of hell and b.) how much of a spice wimp I am. Haha. SO after being filled up at the restaurant, we went back to his dorm and just hung out until about 1:15am. Of course, this meant that I didn't get back to Point until almost 3:00, but it was totally worth it.
Friday classes went by really fast, and then I caught a ride with John R. to Green Bay. Nick and I planned on going shopping, meeting Angie's mom, drinking a little bit and then going to the club. I purposely didn't pack an outfit to wear out that night, to FORCE myself to buy something new. Anyway, after meeting Angie and her mom at the mall, Nick, Ange and I set off to find hot clothes. Nick and I both found HOT pants that were perfect for wearing out and Nick also found a really awesome outfit for the wedding he had to attend on Saturday, but for some reason neither of us could find ANY good t-shirts! And let me tell you, we tried -- we must have walked back and forth between American Eagle and Aeropostale (just to name two) a dozen times! So I ended up just borrowing one of Nick's shirts and wearing them with my pants to the club. Nick and I had a GREAT talk when we got back to the dorm (which I'll get to later) and, after drinking a little (haha, right) and getting ready for like an hour, we went out. It was a blast! Hadn't been there in FOREVER and I remembered why I missed it. Nick is such a hella awesome dancer that it's always fun with him!!! Riding back to Point afterwards ended up not working out, so I stayed overnight in GB and John R. gave me a ride back on Saturday afternoon.
Saturday night I partied at Lindsey's with a bunch of friends and had an awesome time!!! Lindsey sure does know how to throw fun parties! Everyone (basically) was there, so we all had a blast hanging out together. Yay for friends! Woke up this morning feeling fine and did allll my laundry today (which was a TON!), and I also got finished with 99% of my unpacking and reorganizing of my room. Yay! Other than that, just chilled with some people and am starting on the homework.
Oh my God I didn't even get to the crazy things that happened to me since I updated. There are two of them and it's really important that I get to them tonight, but I'm going to do another entry so I break it up for you guys, if anyone's still reading at this point. :-) Thanks for bearing with me, and mark my words -- the next entry is pretty major so it might be worth taking a look at! Love to all of you!
Sep. 26th, 2004 @ 08:25 pm
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| » Why does a porcelain chicken cross the road? To get to Hobby Lobby! |
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Hey everyone!
Just got back from an AWESOME weekend! (If you don't get the subject heading, don't worry... it's an ongoing thing between Nick and Ange and I... :-)
So let's see, what did we do? Nick's older brother Jamie picked me up from Point (after getting a $160 speeding ticket on his way over here) and we drove back to Neenah to spend Friday night with his wife Amanda and kids Christopher and Donavan. Angie drove down from UWGB and spent the night as well, and we celebrated Emma's (Nick's sister) 15th birthday. It actually was Sunday, but we figured we'd get it started a little bit earlier! We went to this fun restaurant called Red Robin and the wait staff made Emma stand on the booth while they clapped for her because we told them it was her birthday. Ha ha. Gave Emma a bunch of Starburst for her birthday because it's one of her favorite candies. I must say that Jamie and Amanda are just awesome -- they are wonderful people who are not only a blast to hang out and have fun with, but also good, decent people on the inside as well. And Emma... well, let's just say that she means so much to me that she's practically the sister I never had. I dunno, we all just really seem to connect in a very special way and that's really special to me.
Saturday we all got up reeeally early (Ange and I were awakened at 5:39am by the blaring TV set -- Christopher randomly decided to watch Shrek at full volume with his bedroom door open...lol -- turned it down and slept till 7) to drive down to Kenosha for Nick's cross-country meet. On our way down, Ange and I (who rode alone) had an amazing discussion. Man, this girl is a blessing to me in more ways than I even know. It was just great to be able to hear more about her life, her family, her thoughts/problems/worries/triumphs etc. and to be able to also share some of mine with her as well. It's almost like I feel spiritually and personally renewed and refreshed whenever we talk. So then we picked up Ange's roommate Steph who lives in the Racine/Kenosha area and headed to UW-Parkside for Nick's meet. He ended up not being able to run because his IT band on his leg was still giving him problems. He was frustrated that he couldn't run, but as much as I felt badly that he couldn't, I'm glad he's sitting out for a little while so his leg can get the lasting healing he needs. It sucks, but for him it'll be better in the end to do exactly what he's doing right now.
The meet ended, and Steph, Ange and I ate at Applebee's before dropping Steph off and driving back up to Green Bay. We hung out and watched "Austin Powers: Goldmember" and then Nick got back from the meet with his team. The three of us celebrated a little bit, danced a little bit more, and made the SWEETEST Will and Grace-themed T-shirts ever! We even spliced together a sequence of dialogue shared by our three characters (Nick: Will, Ange: Grace, John: Jack) and put them on the shirts as well. :-) Then Nick and I went back to his dorm and I got to give him the CDs I made for him (which I was really excited to do because I love the songs on them :-)). We got to have some time with just the two of us. That was awesome.
Sunday morning we got up early and went to church with Nick's family. They're non-denominational, and it had been awhile since I attended one of these services so it was a neat experience for me! I learned a lot. Then Ange, Nick and I took Emma out to Culver's for lunch for her birthday. We planned on seeing the movie "Cellular" afterwards, but had a little time to kill so we went shopping at Goodwill. Didn't find anything... tear! Just kidding. :-) The movie was good (Angie didn't like it, but the rest of us loved it!) and we went to Chili's to celebrate Emma's birthday with her entire family. Said goodbye to everyone and then drove to UWGB; Ange and Nick dropped me off at UWSP after one of the most fun, random car rides ever! (Red, red wine, you make me feel so fine... hahaha)
So now here I am, getting ready for my week. I miss Nick already. (Ange too, of course!) :-) I'm excited though because it's our anniversary this Thursday and we'll be able to see each other that day. (We're going out to eat.) So that'll be good to see him again. This week, I also have to really clamp down and focus on job-hunting (in addition to all the school stuff, homework and practice) so that I can start making some monneh! It'll be good, too, to see everyone here again and catch up on how things are going in all of their lives.
Yes, yes, I know I just did it again... summed up in a day-to-day account, the events of my weekend. But I got to thinking, isn't that what these LJs are for anyway? Sometimes they serve as a forum for profound thoughts, deep revelations and intensely personal feelings, but more often than not they're simply a place for us to chronicle the happenings of our lives and keep our friends informed of them. So that's what I'll continue to do. Until next time, keep in touch and I'm sending my love out to all of you!
Sep. 19th, 2004 @ 11:20 pm
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| » Another insane day :-D |
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Wow. Another crazy, beautiful day has gone by and, despite my best efforts, here it is 2:46am and I'm still sitting up here typing in my LiveJournal. I have a hella awesome weekend ahead of me so I'd better start getting sleep so I'll be awake/conscious enough to enjoy it! Comatose John would NOT be much fun...
Anyway, there's something, or rather someone, that I promised yesterday I'd tell you all about. Her name is Angie and she's just plain awesome!!! I met her through Nick and boy, am I thankful I did. In the very short length of time in which she's known me, Angie has become one of the people in my life who I care about the most. I've met a lot of people in my life (duh, right?), but I can't remember the last time that I was so struck by the beauty of another person's spirit. What's great about Ange is that she and I can connect on so many levels -- from the superfluous to the spiritual to the geeky to the self-revealing. (We even think on the same brain wavelength on a pretty regular basis..) Something about her puts me at ease and makes me feel so comfortable being myself. She sees me for the person I am and loves me for it anyway, and that takes someone special. Ange means the world to me and I am grateful for her being in my life. Love you Ange!
In other news today, the day was long but fun. I was much more awake for my 8:00 piano lab than I ever thought possible, so that was encouraging. In theory, we talked about the physics and mathematics inherent in music (fequency, vibration, harmonic series etc), the logic and order of which just fascinated me! Got a haircut (but nobody really noticed, which is GREAT because that means they didn't cut it too short!) and then went to diction class, which I'm really enjoying because at least right now it's coming extremely easily to me. Practiced a little and then worked on a fun (but kinda time-consuming) project with Lindsey before coming back, chilling out and not doing homework. (Good thing I didn't have any due tomorrow!) I had an AMAZING, WONDERFUL conversation with my mom online -- one of those that you know are a turning point in your relationship and understanding of the other person. Intense! And I got to talk to Nick, which is always wonderful. My love grows each day. (He seemed just as tired as I was, only with enough common sense to actually go to bed!) Finally, JUST when I was getting ready for bed, two friends called up and so we went out to one of their houses to chill for awhile. It was fun -- even though I was so sluggish that I was practically catatonic -- and it felt good to just relax from everything. One of them (who I hadn't seen in awhile) needed someone to listen --they're having some tough times -- and so we walked around a little bit and talked. I think I gained about as much out of it as they did; it was quite enriching.
Oh dear Lord, I just did what I vowed NEVER to do in a journal -- provide a choppy play-by-play summary of my day. My apologies. :-) You know what that means -- time to turn in for the, ummm, morning? Nine o'clock theory is going to be fuuuuun! I love you all and will update again soon! Over and out.
Sep. 15th, 2004 @ 02:46 am
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| » All right, I'm back... :-) |
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Hey everyone! After a long hiatus, plenty of nagging by certain people ("You never update your LiveJournal! You never update your LiveJournal!" ;-) and a bunch of my friends getting a LJ, I caved in, found my old ID and password, and... here I am.
So much has gone on in my life since I last updated that I normally wouldn't know where to even start. But since you always should start with what is most important, I know exactly where to begin.
For those of you who don't know, this summer I met someone incredibly special. His name is Nick, and for the past nearly two months I've been honored to call him my boyfriend and my love. I cannot even begin to relate to all of you how much he means to me. Just when I told myself I would never find someone who would be a good person, meet my standards, love me for who I am and not hurt me... there he came. What a powerful, humbling answer from God -- bringing someone into my life who is more than I ever dared to hope and pray for. I have never in my life felt more truly alive, closer to the Creator, and filled with joy. I love him with every fiber of my being. Nick makes me whole, he completes me in a way no other person ever could. The greatest feeling in the world is loving someone with all your heart, with a love that is completely self-giving and unconditional, and knowing that they love you back just as fiercely.
Wow. I just re-read everything I typed... and yet still somehow my words seem inadequate and empty. How do you describe feelings that reach so utterly down to your core? How do you describe someone whom you love with a love that defies description? How do you say that you've found the one you want to be with forever? It cannot be described, no matter how valiantly I try. :-)
You know what? I just realized that some of you may not know that I'm gay; I can't remember who I have and haven't told. I won't go into the struggle and the pain and the suppression and denial and doubt that accompanies the struggle one faces when one grapples with their sexuality -- you can ask me if you really want to know -- it's more than you have patience to read and I have patience to type. ;-) But for me, the biggest hurdle was allowing myself to not feel guilty about who I am, and thankfully that happened a number of years ago. I'm sill a tad bit apprehensive posting this, just because some extended family members will read it, but at the same time it feels relieving to get that reality out in the open. After all, I have nothing to be ashamed of.
Now this entry has gotten a little bit long, and I have homework to do and people to talk to. Good thing I've got God knows how many days in front of me to update this, right? So I'll be brief. This past summer was a time of tremendous growth and change for me. I really feel like I grew and matured as a person and in my relationships with my family. A few amazing people came into my life, like Nick and his amazing friend Angie, for example. (Angie is a topic that will have to wait until tomorrow because she's too special to be written about when I'm hurriedly trying to wrap things up. I LOVE YOU ANGE!) Financial reasons necessitated a transfer from St. John's University to UW-Stevens Point for fall semester. I miss my friends and the community at SJU SO much, but God does everything for a reason and I've met a lot of wonderful people here at Point. Not sure what I think about the music program yet but I'm keeping an open mind so it's all good! Basically, life continues to be an adventure and I love every minute of it. We are all so blessed. Thank you all for being a part of mine!
Signing off. More tomorrow. Much love and hugs to everyone!
Sep. 13th, 2004 @ 07:00 pm
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